“i’m not transphobic, i know loads of trans people”
knowing us / being friends with us doesn’t automatically mean you are an ally to us
allyship takes active work & time
being an ally requires listening to trans people, using the correct name & pronouns, practicing gender neutral language, learning how best to support trans people, showing up for us & amplifying our voices.
and that’s just a start.
having trans friends doesn’t automatically make you a trans ally
being an ally requires actively working to understand & empathise with us.
a really simple way to show someone you respect them & their gender identity is by using their correct name.
dead naming threatens trans lives.
doing so invalidates a persons authentic gender identity. not forgetting how hurtful it can be. never ask “what name did you use before this” (it doesn’t matter) never use a dead name. Even when talking about that person in the past. avoid using the term “preferred name” – it’s not “preferred” it just is their name don’t AVOID using someones name, this suggests you’re uncomfortable with their gender identity. A dead name is called a dead name for a reason. It’s dead – SO NEVER USE IT! x
since having top surgery my body dysmorphia has become clearer
i was always dysphoric about my chest & hips, and dysmorphic about my stomach.
top surgery only tackled the first one.
the difficulty with dysphoria & dysmorphia is that there are so many overlaps & similarities that it’s super hard to differentiate. making it sometimes harder to work through.
do i dislike the fat on my body because i was taught that ‘fat is bad’ or am i dysphoric about it.
i’m sure a lot of people can relate with this.
for me, i’ve been learning that my gender identity is one thing, but having issues relating with body image is a completely separate thing, not relating to my gender but to societal expectations & rules.
unlearning these toxic messages will be the most important thing for me to overcome the dysmorphia i feel.
In a society that attempts to erase us, I’ve known all too well the fear of being ‘unlovable’ / ‘undesirable’ as a result of my gender identity.
CW:/ discussion of body parts & potentially dysphoria inducing language.
When I first started openly discussing I was trans, I had many people (even friends) joke with me about how “weird” and “difficult” it would be for me to exist with the parts I have.
I was even given the offer once, unwarranted, to have “a mould” made from another persons penis, if I wanted it.
I don’t think I even knew at the time how toxic and hurtful these words were for me.
I’m aware that this is not unique to my experience, and in fact many other trans / GNC / enby people feel this way too, so I wanted to share some positive affirmations that we can try to remind ourselves of:
1. Love is not based on your parts. You don’t pull someone’s pants down, and examine their genitalia before falling for them. ⠀⠀
2. If someone makes you feel wrong / lesser / undesirable / unlovable because of your parts, THEY ARE WRONG. Not you. Your parts do not make you any more / less of who you are. ⠀⠀
3. Fight against internalised transphobia & DON’T LET PEOPLE TREAT YOU AS LESSER. Don’t stay in a relationship simply because a person says they love you, if their actions are transphobic / causing you harm. Someone else WILL love the WHOLE of you. ⠀⠀
WE ARE HOT & SEXY & WORTHY OF LOVE, WHATEVER OUR GENDER IDENTITY.