the transohobes love to argue that we make decisions about our bodies because ´we can’t accept / we dislike what we were given’. In reality, we just want to connect & belong.

being trans is not about hating who we were, but about loving who we are.

trans people don’t ‘hate ourselves’

being selective with the pronouns you use for a person, or just using one set you’re most comfortable with, shows a disregard for their gender identity / expression.

if someone has multiple sets of pronouns, ask how they would like you to use them. if in doubt, use them all interchangeably – the same goes for people with more than 2 sets of pronouns.

for example (she/they)
“i really like them. she is a great person and they make me laugh”

these small changes may seem hard to begin with, but the more we practice and try the more it’ll become second nature to us. we must put the effort in.

but if it were, i’d choose this.

some important distinctions ->

things that are a choice –
being transphobic
being homophobic
being racist
being a misogynist
being ableist

things that are NOT a choice –
our sexuality
race or ethnicity
having a disability
being transgender

x

NON-BINARY IS A REJECTION OF GENDER RULES. it is to exist outside of the binary genders – anywhere that isn’t entirely ‘male’ or ‘female’.

busting some myths about non-binary identities —>

non-binary doesn’t mean androgyny –
you don’t have to be equally masculine and feminine to be non-binary.

non binary doesn’t mean they /them pronouns. some use they/them, some use other pronouns.

non-binary doesn’t mean you can’t have another gender identity. some people identify as non-binary and a man / woman / something else.

being non-binary doesn’t look a certain way.

you don’t need to prove that you’re non-binary.

non-binary is whatever we want it to be.

The reality of living with dysphoria* is that connecting with your body, full stop, can be a real challenge. We often struggle to find parts of our bodies that we like or can relate with and as a result we can easily become separate from them and find it difficult to interact with them.

Personally, as a trans-masc non-binary person, over 2 years into my medical transition, I still struggle.

To connect with a body, sexually, that does not feel like yours is unbelievably complex and often doesn’t feel possible. But there are some ways in which we can help ourselves to feel more comfortable, and ways in which allies can better support us.

Below I’ve listed 3 things that I’ve found to have helped me connect with my body in some way or another, sexually. It’s important to note everyone has different preferences and comforts so if you are looking to try some of these make sure to only do what feels good to you.

1. Masturbation

This is a challenging one for many of us to talk about, as trans masturbation is so taboo. Often even a conversation about the topic leads to transphobic ideas.

I think it’s safe to say that trans people don’t generally want to be asked questions about their masturbation (unless of course they have agreed in advance). In an ideal world we’d all be able to talk freely about our personal experiences with no judgement and no fear.

In reality though this is just not the case for trans people. More likely than not when we’re asked questions they are ignorant, uneducated, or rooted in transphobia.

In reality masturbating is different for all of us – just like it is for cis people. The one difference being, for us it’s harder to connect with ourselves and therefore the act of masturbation itself can sometimes be hard going. Personally, in order to connect with my body on a sexual level, I need to look at it through a different lense. From clothing choices down to different sex toys that give me a feeling of masculinity. Changing the way I perceive my body is crucial for my connectedness.

Using toys (such as vibrators, strap ons, dildos) in the ways that suit you, is one way to help relieve some of that dysphoria during masturbation. Others include dim lighting, music to help relax you, staying clothed / in your underwear.

2. Gender affirming self-talk

Using gender affirming self talk is an important part of connecting with myself sexually.

For example, using terminology that affirms me when i’m referring to my body parts, using masculine phrasing where possible, validating my identity when I’m struggling.

Also ensuring the people around me are doing the same and using my correct pronouns at all times, is pretty necessary for my sense of self. Even the small differences in the ways we speak to ourselves and others speak to us, can have a drastic effect on the ways we look at ourselves.

3. Space and time

This may seem obvious. But the amount of pressure I see trans people putting themselves under to have everything worked out and ‘together’ so quickly, is enormous.

Pressure to keep up with the binary world and the ways in which cisgender*, heterosexual* people exist sexually. And it isn’t helpful for us.

Connecting with ourselves and our bodies sexually is not as easy for us as it can be for cisgender, heterosexual people. They haven’t spent their whole lives questioning their identities and being invalidated relentlessly as a result.

We need to give ourselves time and safe spaces to heal and to grow. To try out new ways of self-appreciation and pleasure that make us feel at one with ourselves, slowly. One step at a time.

There is no standard or expectation, other than your own, that really matters. Only we can do the work to become connected and at one with ourselves, on a sexual and non-sexual level.

It’s entirely up to us.

To connect with a body, sexually, that does not feel like yours is unbelievably complex and often doesn’t feel possible. But there are ways in which we can help ourselves.

Az Franco

(youcancallmeaz)

*dysphoria – a sense of unease that a person may have as a result of a mismatch between their gender identity and the sex they were assigned at birth.

*cisgender – a person who’s gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth

*heterosexual – straight

NO MATTER THE INTENTIONS

not only is outing someone unnecessary, it’s safety risk. you can never know how someone will respond to another’s gender identity or sexuality. often it isn’t well.

also, sometimes people are ‘out’ in some situations or around some people but not others.

in this case, it’s important to ask the person what language (including name and pronouns) they would like you to use, in those situations. be mindful. be careful.

it’s not up to us to come out for people.

“you’re just being sensitive” “it’s probably NOT transphobic..”

on International Day Against Transphobia, Homophobia & Biphobia I wanted to remind you of the following

trans people know transphobia better than anyone else does, we live it daily.

unfortunately our lived experience makes us experts at identifying transphobia when it presents itself.

no need to question us or gaslight us. just trust us. we know what it looks like best.

the same goes for the rest of the LGBTQ+ community.

would you doubt or deny the lived experiences of anyone else?

if we say something is transphobic, it’s transphobic.
LISTEN TO US

#dayagainsthomophobia #dayagainsthomophobiatransphobiabiphobia #idahobit #idahobit2021